Alright, I know that by even saying this, I might raise some eyebrows, but I'm going to say it anyways. I've been wrestling with for some time now whether or not it is sin for a Christian to date or marry a non-Christian. Many traditionalists will say, as they have in the past, that it is not recommended, and bordering on the edge of sin. This issue, for me, stems from be surrounded by the following story:
Jill, the pastor's kid, goes of to college and meets Jack, the good and moral jock who, although he does believe in, he does not live for Jesus. They fall in love, get married, and begin a faith journey together. After several years together, Jack comes to fully realize Jill's faith, and accepts it himself. Then they live happily ever after.
I have seen and heard this story, on a personal level, many times over over my life time. I have always been told, "You should not missionary date," "What does light have with darkness," and "Do not be unequally yoked." I understand all of these statements. I understand that these are good guidelines to follow in most instances. But is it sin? When should these guidelines be followed?
For the record, I know that this issue stems from my fleshly desire to occasionally date someone who might not have the same values as I do. But it has been eating at me for some time now. I think it is time to work it out.
So here's the deal. I know the Spirit must be regarded in this matter in anyone's life, and that the Word should be highly regarded, and together, with the Spirit, be used as the final authority on this matter.
But, outside that, I ask for opinions from all of you. What are your convictions, learnings, life lessons?
I will be studying this issue for a few days to come, and pray that God will speak truth into me on this matter. I ask for your help as well. Please, if you have anything to contribute, either for one side or the other, please comment. If you feel uncomfortable posting publicly, then email your comments. Thank You Friends!
I will post my studies on here later. Till then.
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10 comments:
Well, I was one of those stinkin heathens when Sheri and I started dating and wasn't saved until a few years afterwards. It was probably hard for her, not because she struggled with anything but because she had to live with me day in and day out leaving it to God to reach me.
yea, my mom said she was a Christian when she married my dad, who wasn't until 13 years into the marriage.
I think when we start with the wrong question, we get an answer, but it does nothing to help us where we are.
I think you're asking the wrong question. The question that I have for you is, "Why would you want to marry a non-Christian?"
My understanding is that God's vision for marriage is for it to be a "culture of two." Marriage for Lora and I is about sharing our lives, and about the "oneness" that emerges from that shared culture.
Marriage should become the central situation in which you can grow to become what God intends you to be, the context in which you also lovingly raise your children to know him. Not sure if those are goals of yours, but they would be much harder to reach in a relationship with one who is not a Christ follower. Let's start with that thinking....deal?
very true. i guess because i see other people who do it, and think that it could happen to me. I dont know i guess. I think what you say is a good point. I have taken it to heart. thank you.
Ephesians 5:30-32 "For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church."
Seeing as marraige was God's way of showing us a greater truth, and as Adam Mayfield said "Why would you want to marry a non-Christian?"
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 says: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty."
With all the authority you posted with on Adam Mayfield's blog it seems to me that 1; This is a question that needs not be asked by someone who wrote with such authority and used Scripture to drive his points home,and 2; This should be a no-brainer for a person as described in point 1.
First off, thank you mark for your willingness to engage and help me in my quest for the Truth. I wish to clarify one thing first. I understand what the Bible says in regard of being "unequally yoked." As you may be aware of, the word used in that verse for "yoked together" is the only place it is found in the N.T. The same Greek word there is also found in the O.T. in reference to the prohibition against breeding cattle with different species of animal (Lev. 19:19) Another possible analogy that Paul was intending was Deut. 22:10, which has similar instructions. So I am well familiar with that passage.
I guess my questioning was due to a few facts, those being:
1) I had never sat down and explicitly studied the issue, and
2) Myself, having being surrounded my entire life by the story that i said in the post, wondered how it was possible for those stories to happen over and over again. I thought to myself, were those people, who I know, sinning when they married their spouses? I assumed I knew the answer, but wanted to hear from God more clearly before coming to a sound and thought through judgment on the issue.
I hope you did not view my comments on Adam's blog as me claiming to know it all or claiming Paul-like stature of spiritual maturity. I am a simple Christian, one who knows that I do not have it all figured out, and one who knows that by Christ's strength and guidance alone will I be able to "run with perseverance the race marked out for us."
My post was me being transparent about an issue I have come across, and felt that God was leading me to explore it.
Also, I do not feel that asking such questions is a bad thing in itself. For when we claim to be perfectly sure of spiritual matters, we are in essence, claiming to be God. I know that with humbleness and sincerity is the only way to approach God and to understand His will. I cling to what Paul says in Philippians 3:12-14, "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
I again thank you for your comments and your help in this matter. I would welcome any further traffic you may send to assist me on this, your's included. I hope that this has expressed my true intent behind the post.
Shawn, to know someone is not a believer or they believe and are not living in obedience is asking for problems. Unequally yoked is not necessarily related to breeding. I realize the phrase "unequally yoked together" is unique to that verse, but he goes on to explain with other words what his point is in verses 15-18.
Consider this, would you "yoke together" a shetland pony to a clydesdale? No...that is unequally yoked. There is no way that union will be effective at work, the little horse will just be dragged along and not contribute to the task that they have been "yoked together" to accomplish. Look at two clydesdales "yoked together" they are able to do what is intended with less effort and are not fighting each other but rather complimenting each other.
A yoke is also used throughout Scripture as a symbol of bondage, thats why Jesus said in Matt 11:28-30 to take "His" yoke. There is a bondage to Him, although not in a negative way. Paul talks in 1 Corinthians 7 about what to do in marriage if one is converted. That does not address going into marriage knowing one is a believer and one a non-beliver.
We must understand exactly what the implications of being "in Christ" are! We for the most part do not understand this, the Lord Jesus in us and we in Him, can we enter a union with a professing Christian who is professing only and not surrendered themselves wholly to His Lordship in their life?
As for the moral jock who professes but is not living his life to relect his profession would cause me to question if he really does know the Lord. You see, when someone looks at the most Perfect Person of the Lord Jesus Christ, they must in obedience follow Him, for if we continue in the world we really never saw our wrechedness which we will always see if we are looking at the true Jesus Christ.
thanks again mark for your input. You have added much to this study. I understand your points.
May God bless you, and may He lead you to know Him further. Again, thanks.
Shawn,
I am no bible scholar like these other men, but I would like to give you my opinion based on experience. First I am embarrassed to say I have read very little of the bible, something I am trying to change, however I am a person who really was born with the holy spirit. I have known God my whole life I have never doubted his existence, his unconditional love and that everything in my life has come from him. I live my life as if this is Heaven and treat each day as a gift from him. One of those many blessings God has given me is my wonderful Husband. This man is perfect in many ways loving, honest, funny, great man, but he had not yet had the privilege of knowing God. For me this was not a problem maybe for two reasons, 1 God new that I desired a husband, and I am a spoiled child of God so I knew he would provide me with one. 2 NO man, women, child, or ANYTHING living or not is going to change the love I have for my Father. I was very upfront with Chris, I would be married in a church, my children would be raised as Christians, and there were many behaviors/actions that I would not tolerate. He did not have to be like me but he had to respect who I was. I feel that if people are given the opportunity to see God work everyday there desire to know more about him will follow. I did not try at any time to convert Chris, I did however continue to live my life like I always had, and now that I had two children I was probably trying even harder. Every Sunday I would get the girls ready and the 3 of us were off to church, I always invited Chris but never pressured or gave him a guilt trip, when I stand before God Chris will not be standing next to me I will have to answer only for myself. Now I did worry about his salvation and he was at the very top of my prayer list everyday, but remember I felt that God gave me this gift and He knew the plan he had for me/us. Remember I said if given the opportunity most people would want to know Him, well one Saturday I saw a sign for a church that met in a High school, I said out loud to know one really I am going to try that Church tomorrow. I told Chris I was trying a new Church and where they met. Well the next morning I went about my routine after getting the girls up I came back to my bathroom to finish getting ready, to find my husband standing at the sink shaving on a Sunday morning before noon, to be honest it took everything I had not to faint, cry and drop to my knees and praise God for another blessing, all this just because Chris was coming to church nothing else. Well God knew what he was doing when he showed me the sign for the church meeting in the school, because from that day on my husband has been in church, was saved a few months later baptized soon after went on to play drums for the worship band and is now working as a worship director. Things were great before he was saved but become perfect after he was saved. I know if he had started out saved the others will say that would have been better and I will not take credit for Chris coming to know God, that was the Holy spirit working all over from signs to schools, and even the Pastors way of teaching, I will acknowledge though that my obedience to Him helped Chris have the opportunity to see God everyday. OK this is really long I'm sorry, you know I talk to much. So I will sum it up with 2 things if you are following God and he puts a Non Christian in your life maybe he has a plan, but NEVER compromise your beliefs( yes I know if your beliefs are written in the bible that you would be compromising them but remember I still haven't read the whole thing) you have to be willing and able to walk away from the relationship before it hurts your relationship with God. And 2ndly our God is a GREAT BIG GOD he knows we are not always going to do the Biblicaly perfect thing thats why he gave us Jesus, seek him and have faith that he will give you guidance. If you have doubts about living a Godly life with those who do not then you may not be able to be with a non Christian, the temptations of the world can be just that, and only YOU will know the answer to that question. One more thing of all the gifts God has given me NOTHING has been as great of gift as watching my Husband come to know Christ! I will pray for you.
Thank you Sheri. I appreciate your honesty in sharing your story.
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