My new glasses...

Yes I know I spent too much money on them, but tell me and Adam what you think how they look on me. Go to his blog and check out the picture, then comment on his and mine. Thanks!

Blogging is so cool...

I was talking today with Adam about my session with the therapist and how writing can help me deal with frustrations and such, and I told him about an anonymous comment that really helped me out. And I thought how cool it is that that person could be either right down the road from me or in Oregon. Who knows! Anyways, thought I would mention that, and also gives me another chance to thank whoever it was it commented. Thanks!

Top 3 Most Amazing Football Play Ever...

You won't believe your eyes!!!

Psalms...

42:5-6a:

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."

I'll post some more Psalms soon.

"To the Cross I look, and to the Cross I cling. Of it's suffering I do drink." - part of "Sweetly Broken" - Jeremy Riddle

Worn...

Ever feel like your talking to the wall. Right now, I feel like I'm yelling, shouting, screaming at the top of my lungs, with all the breath in me, pleading for an answer. But none comes...

Ever had those moments where you feel like crying, but you can't for the life of you. You think, this is so ironic, I almost want to laugh at the predicament and disposition I'm in, but its all too entirely real and too painful...

You feel like your breathing your last, that you've come to the end of your sense's rope...

...to the point where your just going through the motions.

You ask, God am I speaking english, can you hear me, do you comprehend?
I am so over fighting, so done with trying to do it on my own.

I was reminded today of a story of where someone said this, and it was like God told this person, "that's all I wanted. Let me take over."

Well I've said this, but it hasn't happened. Will it? Maybe. I hope so.

Theology gets into your brain sometimes, and scares the shit out of you. Am I really called to follow You? Do you really have something big for me. I'll take something small if I have to, just release me. I'm so tired of going elsewhere for the short term release. Deliver me. I am so fragile. Help me. Please. I'm begging, asking, praying. I'm not sure what else you want. ANSWER ME!!! I need Your help. Please. Please. Please.

I know my idols, I know my addictions. That's the first step, now free me of them.
I'm done. Somethings got to change. I can't keep on like this.

And I'm not going to medicate. I know your all I need. Your all I hope in. Please God, save me, deliver me.

Breath in, breath out.

It's over, just help me get out. Please.

"Set Me Free" - Casting Crowns:

It hasn't always been this way
I remember brighter days
Before the dark ones came
Stole my mind
Wrapped my soul in chains

Now I live among the dead
Fighting voices in my head
Hoping someone hears me crying in the night
And carries me away

Chorus:
Set me free of the chains holding me
Is anybody out there hearing me?
Set me free

Morning breaks another day
Finds me crying in the rain
All alone with my demons I am
Who is this man that comes my way?
The dark ones shriek
They scream His name
Is this the One they say will set the captives free?
Jesus, rescue me

Chorus

As the God man passes by
He looks straight through my lies
The darkness cannot hide

Do you want to be free?
Lift your chains
I hold the key
All Power on Heaven and earth belong to me
(Repeat)

You are free
You are free
You are free

Just In...

Here's us in Tennessee enjoying, without question, THE BEST Peanut Butter Pie. And the best part was that all three pies were FREE!!! So good, I'm salivating right now for some more. Can't wait till next year! Also, notice the cripple is the one standing. Such gentlemen!

Darkness...

It's a somber funny thing waking up in darkness. It kinda makes you feel scared, but then you think, "What am I? Like 5?" But I wonder, why is it that I feel so trapped, so bound up in sin in this type of situations? Then I think, and then I feel relief...

There is, as DC*B would put it, a Remedy...

Why is it that we find it so hard to fall in the arms of grace. Why do we seek ways to destroy ourselves?

Sometimes, I just feel like there has got to be a better way, an easier way.

In times like these I find hope in You, I find hope in Your Son, I find hope in what His blood has accomplished. And I pray, oh how I pray, that what it accomplished will be mine to share. Oh God I pray, deliver me. Deliver me, save me. Pull me through. Jesus, Jesus, how I love you, how I've felt you; please, I'm on my last leg, I'm clinging to You, You're all I've got. Deliver me. Deliver me.

"Deliver Me" - David Crowder* Band:

Deliver me out of the sadness
Deliver me from all the madness
Deliver me courage to guide me
Deliver me Your strength inside me

CHORUS:
All of my life
I've been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like You
Now that You're here
Now that I've found You
I know that You're the One to pull me through

Deliver me loving and caring
Deliver me giving and sharing
Deliver me this cross that I'm bearing

Oh, deliver me

Jesus, Jesus how I trust You
How I've proved You o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Deliver me
Come and pull me through
Come pull me through

"The Year of the Upsets"...

That's what this year in college football should be called. It began with Division II Appalachian State beating #5 ranked Michigan in the "Big House," then last week with massively favorite USC loosing to unranked Stanford at the Coliseum, and it continues this week with #1 USC falling to Kentucky in Lexington in 3 O.T. What more can happen? Maybe the Florida Gators will play USF in the BCS Championship Game and win? Can't happen you say? Neither could those three previous mentioned results either, but this year is making a fool out of all. Who knows?

(There's still hope Gator Nation, hang in there!)

Is Rob Bell a Heretic?... And Me and My Baggy Britches.

While driving around Knoxville last Wednesday, we decided to go take a quick trip to Adam's old stomping ground, Johnson Bible College. It's a nice little school, and appeared to be a great place to go to college, for any of you who are wondering where to go. So we stopped in to the bookstore and there Adam saw a book that he had been looking for called "A Little Exercise for Young Theologians" by Helmut Thielicke. He recommended it, so I bought it. On the plane ride down later that week, after Robert Beckman having read it and recommending it, I decided to read it. Its a short but sweet kind of book, and I also now recommend it to anyone who wishes to delve deeper into theology and spirituality. So here's what I took from the book:

Thielicke, in chapter 4, basically describes me in my life right now with a wonderful metaphor about a boy and his clothing.
"There is a hiatus between the arena of the young theologian's actual spiritual growth and what he already knows intellectually about this arena. So to speak, he has been fitted, like a country boy, with breeches that are too big, into which he must still grow up... Meanwhile they hang loosely around his body, and this ludicrous sight of course is not beautiful."
I love that last line. It kinda hits you with a bit of humor and a slap in the face. But that's me to a tee. I feel like I have a bit of biblical knowledge, but lack the heart to follow what it says. I desire to, but fall short many times, and on regular occasions. Later on in the chapter, Thielicke says, "Speaking figuratively, the study of theology often produces overgrown youths whose internal organs have not correspondingly developed. This is a characteristic of adolescence. There is actually something like theological puberty."

Then later on in chapter 7, he references Kahler by noting two points, of which one sticks out to me:
"First, faith makes sense only as unconditioned faith, because it has to do with our eternal destiny. It is impossible that it could be dependent upon and conditioned by the changing results of historical investigation or of scientific fashion." He goes on to say, "The fundamental purpose of the gospel texts is therefore misunderstood if they are valued not as a testimony to faith but instead as records of biographical and historical interest."

So when you take into account the remarks made by Bell in his book "Velvet Elvis," about the virgin birth, you wonder is Bell a heretic for saying such things? For those who do not know, Mark Driscoll recently called out Bell for heresy, citing the passage that Bell wrote in Velvet Elvis talking about how it's not important if we find out that Mary wasn't a virgin. Bell asks the questions, "What if that spring were seriously questioned? Could a person keep on jumping? Could a person still love God? Could you still be a Christian? Is the way of Jesus still the best possible way to live? Or does the whole thing fall apart?"
So does Thielicke's argument fit with Bell's idea, or does it go against it? Tell me what you think.

Anyways, the whole book was amazing, and as I said, I recommend it to anyone who wants to burn an hour to read. You can get it for less than $10 from Amazon.com.

Also, for those who might wish to cite me as someone who agrees with Rob Bell, I don't. I do believe the Bible to be 100% authoritative, and God-inspired. But, Bell's point can be taken, and you must ask yourself, "Is my faith only as strong and secure as what men can dig up and find, or am I trusting in the One who's off day is better than man's best day?"

If I remember any other good points worth mentioning, I'll post them here. I could really post the whole book, but that would take entirely too long.

I'm back (sorta)

So we got back from the story-telling festival late Sunday night and I went home and crashed. Then the next afternoon, I went and, after eating some Applebee's with two of my favorite people in the world (Adam and Lora Mayfield,) I went and got my job back at the hospital. So I'm now working about a total of 16 hours a day now, but I get my weekends off, so I'm happy for now. Got some bills to catch up on. The Festival was amazing as usual, and we added many more memories to the mix. "You stole the words right out of his mouth" is one of my new favorites. I will forever remember it. Anyways, I'm exausted right now, and I can't type right, so I'm out till Saturday when I can put some better thought into it. I got some great stuff coming up, one in particular is from a book I read on the flight down from Tennessee. So check back over the weekend. It's some good stuff! Till then...

Tennessee, Here We Come...

3 words: National Story-Telling Festival. Adam, Joe, Robert and I are all heading to Tampa in the morning to catch the flight to Knoxville. We will spend the night at the Hilton, then in the morning head east to Jonesborough, Tennessee for the festival. Can't wait. I'll take a few pics maybe. I'll be back Sunday night, so no more post till then. The pic above is of my favorite story-teller of them all, Kathryn Windham from Selma, Alabama. She's like 90 years old now, and I can't wait to hear what she has to say this year!

Album Covers...

My "Best Albums of the 90's"...

I've decided to make a list of my favorite albums of the 90's. Why, I guess because I've been listening to them a lot lately, and I felt someone should know my opinion on them. So here we go, and in no particular order:

1) "Crash" (1996) - Dave Matthews Band - released two days after my 10th birthday, Crash was and still is the best, most important album DMB has put out.

Notable Songs: really all of them but "So Much to Say" - won Grammy. The best known DMB song along (with the exception of maybe "Everyday,") "Crash into Me." "Too Much", "Trippin' Billies", "Lie in Our Graves" and my personal all-time DMB fav. "Two Step." Altogether 4 Top 20 hits, and a Grammy award along with two other nominations.

2) "Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness" (1995) - Smashing Pumpkins - #487 on 500 greatest albums of all time by Rolling Stones magazine. Time magazine named it the best album of 1995. Had 4 Top 40 hits, and earned 7 Grammy nominations and won 1. Notable songs include: my fav "1979", "Tonight, Tonight", "Zero", "Bullet with Butterfly Wings", "Muzzle", and "Thirty Three."

3) "Ten" (1991) - Pearl Jam - was #207 on Rolling Stones 500 greatest albums of all-time. Received 3 Grammy nominations (all for "Jeremy.") Notable songs include: my second fav PJ song "Jeremy", "Black", "Even Flow", "Once", and "Alive." For the record, my fav PJ song is "Better Man."

4) "August and Everything After" (1993) - Counting Crows - Who can forget this album. When released, it became the fastest selling album since Nirvana's "Nevermind." Notable songs include, #1 hit "Mr. Jones", "Round Here", "Perfect Blue Buildings", "Time and Time Again", "Rain King", and "A Murder of One." Really, I could listen to every song on this album and play it over and over for at least one full month and not get tired of it. It's that good in my opinion. The most complete album, along with "Crash," on this list.

5) "Throwing Copper" (1994) - Live - Released two days before my 8th birthday, this is an amazing album. It has sold over 8 million albums to date, and includes 5 Billboard hits.

- "Selling the Drama" - #1 on the Rock charts, #43 on the Hot 100.
- "I Alone" - #6 on the Rock charts, #38 on the Hot 100.
- "Lightning Crashes" - #1 on the Rock charts, #12 on Hot 100.
- "All Over You" - #2 on the Rock charts, # 33 on the Hot 100.
- "White Discussion" - #12 on the Rock charts, #71 on the Hot 100.
Also love the unreleased track "Shit Towne."

Honorable Mention:

"Third Eye Blind" (1997) - Third Eye Blind
"Rage Against the Machine" (1992) - Rage Against the Machine
"Jagged Little Pill" (1995) - Alanis Morissette

My Necklace (A stolen idea.)

So the other night, I was asked about my necklace. So here's the story of St. Christopher:

His life is shrouded in mystery, but the most common story goes that a man named Reprobus converted to Christianity, and asked a monk the best way for him to serve God. The monk, seeing Reprobus' great size and strength, told him to go to a raging river near by and help people get across by carrying them on his shoulders. So he goes and starts to carry people across, and then one day he goes to carry a small boy across the river, but realizes that the boy is far heavier than any other person he had carried across. So he carries him across and the boy then tells him that he is Jesus, and the reason why he is so heavy is because of the weight of all the sins that were laid upon Him. So Jesus then baptizes Reprobus in the river, and renames him Christopher, meaning "Christ carrier" in Greek (Christos= "Christ", pherein= "to bear.") Some time later it is believed that a ruler soon imprisoned Christopher and later suffered a martyrs' death by being beheaded. Today he is the Patron Saint of travelers.

So why do I wear the necklace? One of my favorite preachers is Matt Chandler, and he once told a story about how he wears a St. Chris necklace to remind him of the choices he makes everyday that effects his children and others around him. He says that he's in the middle of the river, with his kid on his back, and the choices he makes can either get them across the river or be swept downstream. The weight can be heavy, but he can overcome. So that story, that idea really hit me hard, and so I thought, "if I really care about what God wants for my life, if I really care about my future kids, then I will take steps in the right direction. So I wear the necklace to remind me of my everyday decisions that affect not only today, but tomorrow, and not only me, but many around me and that may one day be around me.

I know it's kind of gay that I would steal someone else's idea, but it fits to good to where I'm at right now. Plus because of my accident, that's kinda cool that I got his necklace. Anyways, I don't pray to St. Christopher or anything, it just helps to remind me.

By the way, if your interested, you can hear Chandler's sermon online by clicking here. It's one of the best sermons I have ever heard! No lie.