Watch the clip below from Rob Bell's latest Nooma video "Today."
The lines that get me are:
"would they go back there if they could?"
"do they believe that there best days are past them?"
"there's a certain kind of despair that sets in."
"our arms aren't free to embrace today."
These are some of my problems. I think about the real posibility of me being able to run like I did, to play soccer and football, and not so much on a personal level, for I'm ok with that, but being able to show my kids someday. Being able to race my son or daughter, or to play soccer with them. I can't help but think, "My best days are 8 months behind me." And I hear Rob's point "how much energy do people spend wishing things were how they were?" I can see how much I've wasted. But it just pulls you down. Like Chandler says (and the reason I named my blog what its named,) the weight of the journey just kinda pulls at you.
It's funny, I just had a myspace conversation with a friend of mine. She mentioned that I seemed kind of down in my writing to her. I told her it wasn't intentional, and I explained a bit. It isn't intentional. It just naturally pulls at you.
Anyways, so here's my real issue (I think.) I have a hard time believing that my best days are ahead, that God has a future that is better than January 10th was (lunch with Brannen and Adam at Taco Bell.) Why is it I can't grasp that. It's like I can hear, and have been hearing God calling me to something better, but I find the past to hard to lay down. "But God, I might not be able to run a mile again, or to show my daughter or son how to pass the ball, or show them some cool tricks with it, or help train them if they want to run track." And he's there saying "I have something better." I there I am saying again, "better than playing with my kids." I don't know, I'm just kinda a mess right now. Sorry for this rambling, but then again you didn't have to read all this. You could have stopped at the video.
So I just pray, God thank you for saving me, thank you for showing me what I have to live for, thank you for showing me that its ok if I can't run, or if I can't pass the soccer ball. Even if I haven't bought in to it all yet, Your still there loving me, leading me. Why do You keep on messing with this "dishonorable" piece of clay? Oh well, You know what Your doing, so I'll let you at it.
Ha, "our arms aren't free to embrace today." Rob's wisdom is proven right, huh?
God, help me to embrace today.
For those who are still reading this, feel free to bring me back down to earth, if you wish. I'm sure I can use it.
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4 comments:
One of those things we start to realize in getting older is that "today" is really all we have, especially since so many "todays" have already gone by, mostly wasted in hindsight.
very true. that's what its all about, living for today. im not sure if you know about me, but I broke my femur in january. that's the background. (in case you were wondering.)
Shawn, I understand what you are going through. Rob Bell is right, if we don't live for the here and the now we aren't truly able to embrace our precious present. God has so much in store for you. Be encouraged, knowing how blessed you are. Try not to be anxious about your kids and the things that you will be capable of teaching them. God will show you the way. By the way, Rob Bell is going to be speaking at the Hard Rock in Orlando on Nov. 20th. See you there?? :) Take care...
yea, i'll try my best to be there. and thanks for the encouragement.
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