More to Come...

So after pulling into our driveway, I turned off the car and lights and just sat there for a bit, no radio, no iPod. And I had been singing (for the first time in a long time,) a song to God. And something peculiar happened, but I'll have to save that for later. Anyways, I sat there in silence, and I thought, I need to read my Bible. Now I have several, but the one I read from is an ESV that for the past three months or so has been in my trunk along with my Life Journal from the last Life Group I went to. So I popped the trunk and got them out. Then I went inside and decided I needed to visit the men's room. So I took my Bible with me to read. And I didn't have my Life Journal, so I decided to flop it open to where I had left off with the last Life Journal, which happened to be around Luke 14. And so I began reading and I read these lines:

"Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?" - Luke 14:27-28.

And so I noticed two things. First, I have not bore my cross for longer than I can remember. The last time I went after Christ I cannot remember either. So things at this point are not looking up for me. Then I read verse 28. "Count the cost," struck me. Do I have enough to complete "it?" And I thought no, I do not. I lack the fortitude and strength of will to complete any task larger than taking out the trash, much less bearing a cross and living a life worthy to follow in the blood soaked dirt path that Christ has trodden. But I realize that Christ does, and that I must rely on and in Him. Sunday School answer, yes, but truth none the less. So how does one rely upon Christ? I hope to find out in the coming months. Anyways, I have read these verses many times, and have even written a sermon with verse 27 as the basis, but it has pierced my soul again tonight. I cannot be His disciple without bearing my cross. And so I must sit down and count the cost of attempting such a task and calling. Do I have enough to complete it? We will find out.

Anyways, I don't wish to over inflate this verse or my thoughts on this verse. It is what it is, it says what it says. I MUST take up my cross or I WILL NOT be His disciple. Plain and simple. So now I go about doing this. May God grant me the fortitude to endure till the end. I know I can only do it through and with Him.